The ZamZam Cooler

If you thought Zia Ul-Haq was a blight on Pakistan's history, I introduce you to President Asif Ali Zardari. Zardari is a world-class miscreant who does business with an old-school feudal lord flair. His mind processes this electoral victory as a restoration of his previously denied God-given right to treat the whole of Pakistan as his personal fiefdom (a right that the Sheriffs, Bhuttos and dozens of other aristocratic families in Pakistan could sympathize with). This is a man who has stolen tens millions of dollars from Pakistan's national treasury -- including the theft of a land-grant issued to the late (and super awesome) Eqbal Ahmad for the construction of an alternative university named Khaldunia in order to build another polo pitch -- and has engaged in the sort of thuggery which would make Russian mobsters proud. Beyond his material and documented corruption, the damage he has done to the integrity of the nation as a political figure is forever incalculable. To put this victory into perspective, Asif Ali Zardari being elected to the office of the President in Pakistan is like seeing an incompetent and resurrected Pablo Escobar winning office in Columbia.

But I think the most important part of Zardari's rise to power is how he has done it. His Machiavellian-like rendition of empty promises, flagrant betrayals and the exploitation of his wife's death (some might argue that 'exploitation' is charitable) will earn him the Golden Eagle Seal of approval from Uncle Sam. The US loves kleptomaniacs like Zardari -- he has a price tag, he doesn't need to go through the motions of being discredited and proven corruptible, the deep sense of mistrust towards him destroys the prospect of non-partisan cooperation with the PPP and the unwillingness on the part of Pakistanis to challenge authority so soon after experiencing another round of extreme instability will inevitable reduce whatever pressure there would be on him to accede to nationalist positions -- the sum of these realities make a President Zardari the perfect caretaker of America's promiscuous foreign policy goals.

For Zardari too, this relationship is a match made in heaven. He has no reason to trust any political figure in Pakistan for the simple reason that no one trusts him. Consider his selection for the post of PM, Yousef Raza Gilani -- a political light-weight who perfectly fills the role of servile lapdog -- over the more esteemed and veteran PPP executive, Ameen Faheem, who served as the PPP's steward during BB's "self-imposed" exile. Zardari has even moved into the PM residence! His machinations are designed to send messages to more than his political opponents -- this is a man who is extremely paranoid of everyone and will go to any length to eviscerate the prospect of losing power, inlcuding at the hands of party elites who might disagree with his criminal dealings and/or desire a proportional share of influence during times of such political prosperity for the PPP. I think its pretty clear then, when America, and by consequence, the World, offers to take a blind-eye towards corruption which promises to never end, it will be prudence that ties together Uncle Sam and President Zardari in a tight embrace.

For all those fools who celebrated the purported victory of "democracy" in Pakistan, I offer this: How true to the democratic spirit is a collegiate election which entrusts the complete and total wealth, administration, representation, and legislative authority to a single-minded criminal who has reneged on every single major promise he has issued during his bid for power? Is democracy simply the construction of a revolving door for leaders to enter and exit the halls of power at appointed times or is it not supposed to allow a reconstruction of the nature of authority and a check on power? Is not democratic rule synonymous with having a political leadership devoted to transparency and in service to the will of its constituents? The obsession with having with the edifice of a democracy is ludicrous if it drives us to "celebrate" the staging of a proper election, especially an election of an official as formidable as Mr. 10%.